how to trust?

how to trust.

Guys.... I confront quite a lot pressure recently due to my practical exam on this Wednesday. Yes, precisely two days to go.  

I am scared. 

Indeed, scared. I lost my confidence and I am afraid of failing and making mistakes during the exam. I'm a bundle of nerves right now. I couldn't sleep well last night, my mind kept flashing across those possibilities of failing and making mistakes. I must pass with flying colour, since I did terrible in last two exams, except for my first time, Grade4. 

I know, it's common fact when people make mistakes, but NO. I pursue perfection. I hate mistakes that ruin the entire art. I need perfection to get succeed. Perfection is what I always pursuing, unfortunately, I always fail to meet the perfection. what a shame. 

Maybe I did not work hard as I had told myself to do so, I know. I KNOW, I didn't work hard AGAIN. As I recalled the past, the first practical exam of my life, Grade4, I worked really hard, I practised everyday. Perhaps, all the pieces turned out to be quite easy for me. Well, since I practised EVERYDAY. Expectantly, I passed with distinction. 

Despite I practise everyday for my Grade7, however it still doesn't work out as the first time. I wonder, what the hell is the problem? 

I finally figured out the answer yesterday night. I lost my confidence. Confidence makes perfect. 

The fear of making mistakes stifle my confidence. When I was playing my pieces, I am afraid of playing wrong the notes... insufficient of expression.. tempo...and so on! Stupidly, I imagine the presence of my examiner behind me. -.- This makes everything worse. 

Mixture of the aspiration for perfection and the fear of making mistakes, ruin my confidence. Everything doesn't work out as I expected. Well, this is one of my expectation. -.-

Once you lost your confidence.. it is a difficult task to regain what you have lost. It's exactly like what I am encountering right now. Confidence. I am no longer trust myself and my own ability anymore. *sigh, this is really bad. 

NO NO NO! I must find a way to regain what I've lost in this two days time. I have not much time left. I must hurry!! Confidence............. where have you gone?! 

I am suffering man.............. *telling myself, i can do it, believe in myself.... .... 

Jam. lovess.