Life lessons are harsh.

Photo taken at Halong Bay,
check out >> Hanoi Day FOUR if you're interested.

Hello everyone, hope you are doing well in life. Today is not going to be any interesting post, I'm very sorry if you are looking forward to it. It's just another random post that I just wanna sit down and have some personal time with myself and my blogging life. And of course you, if you are really reading this. haha 

Recalling to my old-self like 10 years ago, a lot of changes did happened. Puberty does did something to me. hahaha And of course not only puberty, the world itself changed me loads. And those changes had become part of my growth. Sometimes, I just want to be myself, the old-self where I can REALLY be genuine. However, the world tends to refuse that determination and forces me to change. And I had to, even though I do not want to change because I like how I used to be. Ironically, it couldn't happen, because the influences under myself are way too strong that in order to survive in this world, I have to change myself and adapt to whatever that comes to me. 

Why do I chose to live?

There must be some times, when you question yourself, "why do I chose to live?". If you don't, then great, you're probably living your life in a fulfilling way. Congratulations! 

But I do often thought of that question, because I'm just curious about the reasons of making such decision. Maybe, my life currently isn't really living up to my expectation, and I should literally reflect on that. 

Somehow, things will definitely trigger such thought, "why do I chose to live?". Sometimes, this really put me into deep thoughts, because of the mixed feeling I have. Why do I chose to live? I have literally no idea, as I was told to live. Have you ever think of the objectives to live? Like in depths. And now I realized that I didn't really live up to my life, in a meaningful way.

When I was in primary school, I had no idea what's living was and going to school was playing a huge part of my life, so I lived. Until 12 years old, confronting UPSR, I lived for straight A's which I never would dream of. And I did it, unexpectedly. Then I realized I can actually achieve something, I'm not that useless. Then, slowly picking up some shatters of my confidence. Proceeding to secondary school, I lived for studies again and my music academy. It was kind of stressful, as I recall now. It was the moment when I found out I made a mistake in my life, but still I carried on, because I couldn't afford to keep losing. I know the passion needs to be freed, yet not so soon. So for PMR, I managed to get through and lived up to my objective; yet SPM made me come to a sense that it was time to return to reality as I might be reaching my limits and doing something that mismatched to my ability, interests, and life goals.

Another random puzzle.

I feel like writing something, but my mind is just blank and plain. lol I hate this feeling when I want to do something yet my mind isn't cooperating. Weird right. lol This is definitely not the first time happen in my blog or in my daily life. hahaha 

My life recently is just clueless. I'm gonna sit for my music practical examination in next Tuesday which I am totally unprepared. I had not been practising my piano for almost two weeks, and my big day is approaching terrifyingly. I don't know why am I behaving like this, which I myself know it is really wrong and irresponsible, but I just lose my motivation, my passion which have turned into mist. I don't want to make my interest into a burden, I hate examinations, any kind of that. Well, who would love it anyway. Whenever examination strikes, I feel it's a burden on my shoulders and I can barely breathe. *I am finding excuses to not sit for that exam* lol I am seriously, regret so much for making that decision, and I should have chose self-study. whatever, it will not change any single fact that coming Tuesday is my big day. Another reason to moan over my sad life. 

The next thing is I hate myself for being so weak. Weak in controlling myself, my desire to spend money. fml so much right now. I am so into beauty stuff nowadays. hahahaha And I guess I've spent a lot of my "possessions" on my collection. I am student ya'know, so I have barely extra money for that, and so I have to sacrifice my saving. fml Okay, I am feeling really guilty right now. damn. So much wanted to punch myself in my face. lol

OKAY can you stop crappin'.

I shall convince myself that, life is not getting harder, it is just becoming a little different than the old one. And I have to overcome the varies to make it comfortable for myself to live. So, I need to be stronger.

My fav ^

keep moving, people.

take care, love ya'll

xoxo,

Today's special, is nothing special.

Halo my imaginees, it has been a long time since my last post about my trip to Crab Island. hahaha There isn't much to talk about my recent life, except super packed time table. I've got a good news which is I pass my ABRSM Grade 7 Theory examination! Yay! What a great relief! But now more headaches are coming, my Sales presentation deadline and my music practical examination! I am so lost right now, I have mere idea about my presentation and my pieces are getting worse. wtf I have limited spare time for my practice. Moreover I am exhausted after my college, I ain't got anymore energy to focus on my piano practice. It brings to me another level of stress now, and ya'know I hate stress a lot, well, I don't see anyone likes them in any way.

Ohh yeah! Another thing is I watched Avengers: Age of Ultron yesterday! Happiness overloaded now! Well, to be very honest, I think the most exciting parts are shown in the trailer, lol. But of course in order to clearly know the story, the movie does do its job well. Some slow motion fighting scenes, I somehow find them quite funny which I don't know why. But as usual, some humor are still blended in well. To me it's like every thing happens so quickly and a bit messy which makes it weird. lol, I've no idea what I am talking now. Maybe I missed some part in the first few minutes, because I went in late, haha. But I don't think it makes a huge difference, hopefully. Still, worth to watch! ;)

x x x

I always want to run, I want an escape to a my kind of innisfree, but I have too much worries to bear. Perhaps, I am not brave enough to take the first step, because I am afraid of the aftermath of my action. But deep inside my heart, I struggle and hope to be freed, then I would be roaming freely in my wish of anywhere. It is really sad to see my soul and body are bound to the reality where I am powerless in control. I am lack of courage that would take me to my land of innisfree. I want to do and take control of whatever I want in my own wish, but life won't be easy to take it in. It loves to go for adventures, and undergo some ordeals to strengthen itself, somehow it tends to forget to enjoy the time it is left with after all this 'experiences'. And it tends to make me believe that I do enjoy the 'experience' it gains, which I have no idea if I really do remember its belief. I just want to escape, to be genuinely free, and letting go of those boundaries, I don't want to get caged in the reality. I just want to go and explore. All I want is peace of mind. 

The world is getting so competitive and I just want to leave the race. It is so tiring to be part of it, choosing not being competitive isn't meaning to lose, in other words it means strong, because I don't need to be competitive in order to prove my strength or win the race. *think-face* However, another question, why do we need to prove our strength or win the race? Is it really necessary? Or is it important? What is the intention of being competitive and proving ourselves and winning a race that would take us to nowhere? Have you really think about them? 

Okay, these thoughts are making me really emotional and it's overflowing now. lol I will leave the answers to you, because everyone has their own ones, and my answer, they are burdens.

loveya'll, take care,

xoxo,

Options, with courage.

Halo imaginees! *sigh* My final examination week strikes again, it's on next week. As usual, unmotivated before finals. HAHAHAHA Most probably because I had my music theory examination on last Monday, then I felt that something big had over, so I tend to loosen out a bit. Well, not a bit, is a lot. *guilty* Anyway, it had been a long time since I had my theory examination, excluding the recent one, as I had skipped two grades I guess. *smirk* Not meaning that I am smart or good in theory kind of thing, because I am too lazy to go for every grade. So, it was a bit strange to me during the examination, but it is a great relief when I walked out of the examination hall, because I am really sucks in that kinda thing, but bigger things are coming ahead, which are worse than that. First is my finals, and next is gonna be my practical examination, which I don't wanna comment on that. ya'know. *lmao* 

To be very honest, I've been slacking for two days after my music examination and I am really enjoying the days. It feels so good for not doing anything, but just slack, as if nothing bothers you and just live your life without needing to worry about your duties. However, I know now isn't the right time to enjoy, because finals are on next week. Despite three days, somehow deep inside me is telling me not to bother so much! hahahaha that evil side of me, and frankly I am listening to 'her', because I'd been doing too much for my life. HAHAHA which I am supposed to do, but still... Okay, I am denying everything. Fine, I surrender. 

Okay, this post is obviously crapping about my procrastination and incapability of self-control. Sorry for wasting your time on this. Real thing is coming next.

Recently, something came across my mind. 

You don't use others eyes to define who you are. Why would you care so much for something unworthy? Why would you want to define yourself by using others definition? Why would you want to define yourself? There is no need a definition for you, because you are who you are. I know, most of the time we tend to prioritize other's opinions before ourselves. That's part of humanity which is true but in the meantime sad as well. There is no need to label ourselves nor label others. You are who you are. Especially, some people they tend to judge people who love wearing makeup and well-dressed, which I find those people are really annoying. You are no one to judge people who love doing what they want. And your disgusting face is polluting the world, yes, I am being judgmental here, because you started it in the first place. :P *okay I am being childish here* hahaha, it's true, but useless. 

It's really sad to realize that we can't do anything to them, but there is one thing we can do, which is to make ourselves a better person, by doing what we love the most without minding those extremely judgmental people. YESH! Doing what you love and right, makes you a better person, and don't give up in pursuing your dream. Do what's the best for you. You are who you are and you know who you are.

Life is meant to be filled with ups and downs, where you will be the one who compose all the parts of your story. You have options, but you need courage to make the decisions. That's the most arduous task in life, but we all ought to undergo it. 

Just accept the fact that this world is judgmental, but 

Don't judge people with your eyes, judge with your wisdom. 

Then, hopefully you will find it interesting to know the positives of humanity.

That's all,

loveya'll and take care,

xoxo,

I get stars in my eyes.

Today I woke up in a warm yet sunny day. It was a quiet morning at 11.30am as I was alone in the house. lol My family went for working, schooling and shopping *my mom*, except me. Why? Because out of the five weekdays, Friday is my only day off for my schooling, which always bring me a lot of joy. Yay! I love spending quality time alone and the quietness and peaceful ambience. That's why alone isn't a bad thing to me, *sometimes*. 

The tranquility is the best medicine for stressed out people. Well, maybe it can't help to solve your worries, but at least you're free from them for awhile. Sometimes, taking a short break isn't a bad thing, because stressing out yourself isn't gonna help you in any way. Your brain needs some space and time to take a breath as well. You will never know what you will get when you are on a break! Of course, I know, most people will tend to lose themselves when they are taking their breaks, however, please do remember to get your feet back to your duties after getting enough of rest! Don't get too carried away by your 'tranquility'. 

Most of the time, what we need the most isn't solutions, but somehow a private quality time and space. Oh, and get your hands off from your phone. LOL It will greatly become your distraction. Spending time with yourself will actually help you to understand yourself more as you can only focus on yourself. Moreover, it helps to calm yourself and perhaps, you may get yourself back after such a long exhausting journey you've been through. After getting yourself charged with positive energy, please do move on and fight for yourself and your goals. 

My ultimate goal in my life is move away from this busy and perilous city. I just wanna live my life peacefully and spend my time with nature. I love discovering the nature, because to me, nature is a huge mystery. Living in jungle is an alternative to me. *don't judge me* I don't mind living under some primitive conditions or rural area, because in my point of view, sometimes overly developed isn't a too-good thing. Perhaps, I might find out some eco-friendly yet advanced ways to live my kind of life. Anyway, I don't think by deforesting those reserve forests for an eco-city development is gonna make you eco-friendly in any way. I am not trying to argue anything, but to me, I don't think by doing so will contribute anything to mother earth and nature.

It's on a slippery slope

xoxo,

It slaps hard on my face.

Hello everyone! Today is Friday, it's everybody's favourite day! Especially, for me because I need not to go for classes! teeheeeee I've been trying to dash off my assignment which due on next Thursday. But, I seriously need some inspirations to continue, I am stuck. *cry* Recently, I'd been through some rough days. Really, BAD HORRIBLE DAY. 

Freaking careless mistakes cost me 50% of my test. Next incidence, I went to the cashier to pay for my drink, I couldn't find my money, even though I kept digging in my purse. I was very sure that I'd notes in my purse, but then found tons of coins yet weren't enough for the drinks. I asked if I could pay by card, but then no. wtf FML It was really a terribly bad day. Then I left the convenient shop with huge embarrassment slapping on my face. After my mom fetched me, I was still searching for that note in my purse... In the END, within 5 minutes, I found it appeared in my purse from nowhere. SERIOUSLY! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME. I carried the freaking flashback for the entire day, still couldn't get over it. How could I get over within 24 hours, when the most embarrassing thing happened to me. D: And I screwed up my test because of my carelessness, yet not IDK. Despite the unbearable pain and embarrassment are still swirling inside me, but I am getting better each day, as time will make everything better, I hope. 

Everybody definitely has some rough time in life. Only how you define your kind of 'rough time'. All of these are very personal and subjective. Somehow, we tend to judge people's rough time by comparing with our own. Don't we? To be very honest, sometimes I do. This is human nature, but we know it is not right to judge people's life, and yet we are still doing it. We use other people's life to measure ours and so we can define our lives. Somehow, is it right? It depends. There is no definite answer. If you are comfortable by comparing people's life with yours, then go ahead. But better not disrupt others' lives. To me, I think it's unnecessary, because I live my life in my way, there is need not a measurement to define my life. Anyhow, I still doing it, but seldom. HAHAHAHA *hypocrisy neh*

These days the sky are so blue and clear, and seldom rain. The sunlight is burning my skin and the heat is barbecuing my brain. However, I love the night sky of this cloudless weather. I am not sure if your area is able to see countless stars in the night sky, but mine is real damn nice and clear during night time. I can see stars glittering in the clear and unpolluted night sky in these few days. Unpolluted means free from photopollution (光害). My area considered quite rural I'd say, it is somewhat surrounded by a lot of trees, but it is slowly developing in to housing area as well, which makes me really really really sad and disappointed. No more chilling weather during hot day, and gradually will be affected by air pollution too. Development can be good, but mostly bad. It depends on how you develop it. 

Enjoy the starry night while you're still be able to see them glittering in the night sky, soon our sky will be covered by haze because of our selfishness and inconsideration.

that's all, I shall continue my assignment! 

Good luck and take care! 

xoxo,

2014, You are alright. Please be alright.

So much pain to endure in this year, indeed 2014. Even til the very end of you, the pain is exaggerating. We are trying to recover from all the tragedies that happened and carved endlessly deep in our heart. There is too much to endure. The encounters are too much to handle for a normal person, so then it still happened. 

Some of them would say it is the darkest year of all, but is it true? Yeah, maybe? Probably too many tragedies happened within 365 days, indeed too many. Can we take it? Ironically, we ought to deal with them isn't? Life leaves us no choice, we ought to when it happens, regardless can or not. A lot of lives were gone within seconds. I could not imagine how they feel when they were at the edge of death. How terrified they were. How helpless they were. How their mind would be blown away by what was ahead of them. How lives went on after then. I don't want to imagine all these, even though while typing these, my mind and emotion are working out for it. 

Perhaps, our pain will be gone soon, somewhat the pain will still be there forever, especially every time 2014 is mentioned. Isn't? To me, it will be. The pain will return every time it is mentioned and it reminds of fragile lives. All the memories about them will rush into my mind without any doubts. Admittedly, the pain I feel will be so tiny little compared to those who involved. But, my mind just can't take off from all the tragedies happened. How can all these happened so fast? So heartlessly. What can we do? Can all these be avoided? There is endless questions swirling in my mind right now. Sadly, there will be no one to answer them. Nor I will get the answer I yearn for.

What's the answer? Who can bring it to me? 

It is almost the end of 2014. Less than 36 hours from now, then 2014 will reach its end. And all its remarkable scars will be remembered for eternity. What a fearful year I would say. Fear of death, lives, and helpless.

Tomorrow is the last 24 hours of 2014. What will happen next? 

Irrationally, I would ask, what do you want from us? However, on second thought, it isn't 2014's fault. 2014 is only the period that record what had happened in itself. It is obviously not its fault for what had happened. But, pardon for my immaturity, I really want to erase everything that happened. 

Indeed, there is no use to mourn over what had had happened. Just my heart sink every time when I see the news. All the flashbacks of 2014 leave my heart sink for a very long time. Then, my mind starts to think into a wrong way, immature way. As to try to escape from the pain and sorrow.

Lives had been taken for what kind of reason? Accidents are the most innocent and horrid way to take lives away, isn't? Lives were taken without knowing what's the reason nor the cause. How scary it is. Yet sometimes, accidents show how weak we could be. 

There is so much to take in. Lately, I've been thinking, why are we carry on living? Aren't we digging our own graves as the time elapses? 

Those who live, carry on; Those who'd gone, rest in peace.

Maybe I shall stop and take a break. 

Take care and be safe to all.

xoxo,

unmotivated

Heyyo humans! I know, at this very crucial moment I shouldn't be here, but I've been studying for few hours, and I think I shall grant myself some time to rest my pitiful brain. To be very frank, I don't think I could absorb 100% of what I've revised for the past few hours. LOL Not genuinely zero, anyways, maybe could be effective for MCQ, but definitely, not short-answer question and essays, but I somehow have no motivation at all, and not a single feeling about exam, which is tomorrow. And I still have the feeling to procrastinate. I don't think I am over confident or what, merely because I really hate Econ 101, 16 chapters to revise, and I had done almost 80% of it. I did not go through very detail, just simply flipped through and revises all the tutorial questions to refresh my memory. HAHA Yeah, I shall admit, I am really lazy to read every single word from the text which mostly cover 70% of bullshit. Okay Okay, I shall stop whining again! 

I wish I could have a slice of crepe and a cup of hot chocolate right now. I need them so much!

I feel so inaction right now, as if I had give up my goals of life. *cry* I somehow lost my passion for study. grief, this isn't the first time it happens, obviously. 

Maybe I shall watch Spirited Away to boost up my inner spirit! 

But definitely, not tonight! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *sad life*

Life is a Mysterious Gift.

Heyyo guys I'm back after two weeks! Actually, I should be doing my revision for my finals right now, but to be genuinely honest, I have no feelings yet. I guess something is going really wrong inside of me now. Well, I do feel something, a bundle of nerves, yet my mind isn't controlling my body to do the action! Less than 10 days from my finals, and I still have very vague understanding of Economics and yet to do the 'research' for my literature. I think Accounts and Maths shall be okay, because they are the last two subjects, so I'll have plenty of time to deal with them. But Economics... Despite my sister keeps saying it's easy and mostly common sense, but still I have a very surface of comprehension about it. Moreover, it's more than 10 chapters. fml OKAY, I shall stop whning about my procrastination. And look forward to my semester break instead. *HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*

hmmmph, I don't know why I am here hahahahaha, I just have the feeling to write something and babbling about my unknowing life. Yeap, ignorance. I know so little about my life. I've only known about it for more or less 17 years and I have no idea how long I can live. What will the future bring me? Will my dream come true? Can my dream come true if I keep the same pace as now? Life has too many unknowns, too many unsolved questions, yet somehow we still move on. Mostly because moving on is the only choice that left to us. Or perhaps, the curiosity that planted deep inside us which motivate us to move on and see what can our future be. 

Life is a mystery as we have limited knowledge about our future, or even what will happen in the next minute. Maybe while I am typing all these whines, there are thousands and millions of stories happening on the other side of the earth which I can never acknowledge. The world is too big for me to understand and explore. I can't never understand or know everyone who is living their pathetic life here and it would probably take me countless years to accomplish that. 

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist" 

- Oscar Wilde.

My favourite quote of all, as it reminds me to live my life, not just simply exist. I guess in the past, I simply exist most of the time and I lost my own, personal goal of life. Then, I saw this and awaken me to live my kind of life. I don't want just exist, I want to live. I want my life filled with a riot of colours and experience all kind of lifestyles. Life would be wasted if you only stick to one kind of lifestyle. We shall undergo different lives despite good or bad, and experience and learn from them. That's my kind of life that I want to live the most. Life isn't supposed to be too good, we shall encounter some slightly unfortunate to level up ourselves and be a little bit more knowledgeable about life. After all, we will eventually turn into ashes right..... So why not play a little bit unsafe to expose ourselves to a wider space and enrich our feelings? 

No pain, no gain, you have to sacrifice in order to gain more. As I always say, life is a equilibrium trade. You may not gain what you deserve, but you gain something which you yet to acknowledge and could be helpful during crucial moment. All we need to do is to let go. 

And another arduous task in the world is letting go. *playing 'Let It Go" from Frozen in the background*

Power? Powerful? Powerless?

Heyyo, guys what's up! Today is the Halloween! Probably now most of you are dressing up for you Halloween party.. Well, but not me, I am too lazy to dress up or to think about the outfit for the party. *dont judge* lol My friends are so excited about the party which organized by Help-U. It was fun listening to them discussing about their outfit- pyjamas, nurse, doctor surgeons, or even casual. Moreover, we even came out the idea of our daily lunch as the outfit. LOL wantan mee, panmee, bread, mixed rice and so on. They are doubtlessly crazy, but it is fun to have them around, so that my life isn't as boring as it would be. To be very honest, my college is a boring place, the surrounding is.. so empty and not entertaining, except nightclub which only operate during night time.... So, during our break we can go no where to entertain ourselves. This is so pathetically sad. Fortunately, I have my friends around to kill some time or doing silly things. 

As we grow up, we thought we are getting lesser friends, it may be true but sometimes, you have to find the right persons to be friends. I will not guarantee any friendship will last long, but at least we enjoy the entire experience. Sometimes we thought we have less friends, but on second thought, do we? We may have forgotten about some which may not be the memorable friendship, but somehow it was warm. Even small action can change a person's life. 

We may thought we are powerless, but somehow our action, even tiny little action, may be as powerful to change someone's life, yet we just don't acknowledge. So, try to stop complaining and cherish everyone who come and stay, came and left, or yet to come, because we have no idea who will be the next to come. ;)



Remember we are powerful. 


so,
Be kind, Be grateful.

First Time of My Life, the light lit on me.

Hey guys, finally I've got the time to blog about my piano competition which held on two months ago. HAHA Sorry to keep my imaginary readers waiting for so long! Well, I didn't manage to win the competition, I tried my best, I guess. I made a lot of mistakes, so I don't think I deserve any prizes. lol It was my first time, indeed I was bundle of nerves when I was on the stage. 

The light was lit on me, only me. I remember my hands were shivering, and my fingers were stiffed. LOL Somehow, they managed to play the song, but the first part was the most mistakes happened. HEHE Anyway, I learnt a lot from this competition. :) I gained experience and I briefly know how it feels to be part of this kind of competition. I did not regret for the decision I'd made. 

Most importantly, I know why I lost. :P I need more skill, more expression, more practice, yet it isn't my goal when I started playing piano. Anyway, I will strive for the best results for my next year examination! *fighting!!*

I Love Music Competition, 22 August 2014, Saturday.

Venue: KL PAC

Yeap, I looked blur hahahaha

The Merry-Go Round of Life - Joa Hisaishi, rearranged by me

Erm, please forgive my mistakes hehehe

Moanin'- Bobby Timmons

The winner of senior group,

An interlude from Secret movie by Jay Chou

The winner of group category.

The next day was the concert! Kindly check it out here. I had so much at these two nights! I love music even more after these, because it isn't merely about music, it's about friendship and teamwork. :)

p/s: Out of sudden, I miss my hair. *darn* D: