im wide awake.

#random

This was just how I feel. 

I feel so wrong for everything. I was burning inside myself, my heart was pumping so hard, that I could barely breath, heartbeat rhythmically awaken every single of my consciousness. My cheek was blushed like an red apple, but fortunately, no one sees. And now you know my secret. 

When the melody started, I knew it. But I couldn't believe that things happened beyond my expectation. Anyway, it did not surprises me, just could not feel at ease. I was afraid and frighten out. 

I was attempting to abscond with my guilt and stupidity from the tense situation. Unfortunately, I failed to stand up and run. I couldn't move every inch of my muscle. 

I was sitting at somewhere, pretending steady and calm, despite I was bundle of nerves inside me. My body was on fire, the air around me was heating, soaring! But still, acting as if nothing happen, looking calm, attempting to retain my composure. 

Then, the melody stopped, all the screams and noise were fading away. I could not keep my head up straight. I was afraid of everything that just happened, it was horrible. My hands were shivering, I was extremely desperate to curl up my body and hold my knees, bury my head inside, but I can't, that's too obvious. I must be calm. 

Then, I know, what's going on. I was wrong. Myself was wrong, feeling was telling me the truth but I rejected the truth, because I was tired of it. Thing like this is exhausting. And I understand myself very well, it is not what I really want, what I need. Somehow, my feeling refuse to follow my will. If it really destined, it will happen eventually. just wait. we'll meet someday.

In the end, I opted to go against my feeling. This is why, I am suffering. I am obviously, torturing myself, hiding the truth deep inside my conscience. I complain, condemn, blame.. this is the only the let go my pain. 

It hurts really bad. so, you guys out there better dont try. loll

 I am not out of my mind, im wide awake. I am just a masked girl. im hiding the truths. 

I care, but I dont show it. Everything you see, ain't always what it seems. 

Jam. lovess