Unequal

peeps! I didn't have any particular event or outing recently, last two of my Sunday were occupied with seminars. hmm, I really do hope that it might be helpful for my coming war. Well, well, after received few of my results, I didn't have any special feeling, nor the expected feeling about scoring one digit for a certain section of my 'lovely' subject. Initially, I couldn't take it, but then I just let it be, as I couldn't change the fact that I did score that freaking one digit. Just fed up. Life, huh.

You know, when you are working so hard for something, yet in the end, you get nothing expected from it. When you've been holding it for so long, people get tired. Then fed up with all the facts. So, I've used to it. My failures, I accept them as part of my life. I have also quit crying, never for that freaking one digit, because it doesn't deserve any of my tears. Maybe this is karma, who knows. After tons of failure, you'll tend to be numb upon all the unfortunates and failures happens. You'll be feeling-less towards all the failures and so on, and tend to act normal, despite feeling a slight of disappointment. Sometimes I think it is quite unfair for people who worked hard yet didn't get anything expected. But what to do, when you are not the main controller of your freaking own life. [ Work hard ≠ Expectation ]

Sometimes, expectation kills. When the time you realize, you granted nothing expected, yet working hard like hell, it really kills someone, as if a knife stabs into someone's heart mercilessly from the back. The pain is unthinkable and innocence. Therefore, never rely too much on expectation, as it will kill you anytime. Of course, not entirely zero expectation, yet not super high expectation, especially those boosted with confidence ones. When you fall, it's gonna be a dreadful one, the pain is unbearable, agony is everything you'll feel. Excuses will never be able to conceal the truth. You know what you've done.

I've used to pain. This is a an inevitable process for every human, perhaps. Undergoing pain isn't some kind of torture, yet it's part of growth. 

Be optimistic, life isn't that horrible actually, you just have to twist a bit of your mind to another angle, discover another side of the world.

Jam. lovess