Why do I chose to live?

There must be some times, when you question yourself, "why do I chose to live?". If you don't, then great, you're probably living your life in a fulfilling way. Congratulations! 

But I do often thought of that question, because I'm just curious about the reasons of making such decision. Maybe, my life currently isn't really living up to my expectation, and I should literally reflect on that. 

Somehow, things will definitely trigger such thought, "why do I chose to live?". Sometimes, this really put me into deep thoughts, because of the mixed feeling I have. Why do I chose to live? I have literally no idea, as I was told to live. Have you ever think of the objectives to live? Like in depths. And now I realized that I didn't really live up to my life, in a meaningful way.

When I was in primary school, I had no idea what's living was and going to school was playing a huge part of my life, so I lived. Until 12 years old, confronting UPSR, I lived for straight A's which I never would dream of. And I did it, unexpectedly. Then I realized I can actually achieve something, I'm not that useless. Then, slowly picking up some shatters of my confidence. Proceeding to secondary school, I lived for studies again and my music academy. It was kind of stressful, as I recall now. It was the moment when I found out I made a mistake in my life, but still I carried on, because I couldn't afford to keep losing. I know the passion needs to be freed, yet not so soon. So for PMR, I managed to get through and lived up to my objective; yet SPM made me come to a sense that it was time to return to reality as I might be reaching my limits and doing something that mismatched to my ability, interests, and life goals.

I did dream of some life goals, but I never thought of realizing them, because they are way distant from my ability to achieve them. Now, my college, I live for my academy again, and scholarships. Now, I only recognize the problem that has been lingering in my life for a really long period. Have I really live once for myself? I mean my goals, my needs and wants. I studied, because of compliments and pride; I study, because of financial aids and maybe future. Why do I chose to live? Are they truly my needs and wants? Perhaps, they are, in some way, yes. However, to be genuinely honest, they aren't perfectly fit into my needs and goals. All I want is to be freed, from all this unnecessary conflicts and life regulations. I just want to live my life and be a free soul.

Am I being unreasonable? No, I guess, who doesn't want that though.

Formal education does provide knowledge, but are they really helpful in the future or real life that we are living it. Learning can be obtain in different ways, yet we normally opt for the traditional one, because that's when stereotypes get in, where they think that's the appropriate way to learn. However, when reality kicks in, it destroys all at once, which are the 'certificate' and qualification that could mean a lot. Maybe it doesn't impact a lot in life, but it does. Some might think that piece of paper is the insurance of life, but is it true? Fresh graduates can be unemployed as well. Certificate can't be the perfect measure of knowledge, as for my opinion knowledge is immeasurable and infinity. Some are afraid to go against the stereotypes as they have no security about the aftermath that it might bring. Anyhow, you live, so you get to choose, life is always a choice.

Why do I chose to live? 

Perhaps, it is to wait for the moment when I can live my life in the way I've been yearning for. And I'll just have to keep waiting. Waiting can be a little tiring, but I guess I can manage to live through it, because 

"you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

Thank you, if you've read the entire babbling. haha Much appreciated!

take care, loveya'll,

xoxo,