Regrets are pains in ass of life.

I'm back after more than one month of abandon. Sincerely apologize to erm, no one? that read my blog posts. lol Because I wasn't in the mood to type out my thoughts because there are abundance of them swirling in my mind. It would be exhausting to puke them out of my mind, haha. Anyway, wordy post has returned. 

I have officially finished my Grade 8 for both practical and theory of my music. Well, kind of, hopefully I pass my theory examination which has ended two weeks ago. Otherwise, I will need to retake, which I reluctant to do so, but I ain't got choice though. Anyway, then it comes to a very difficult moment and I hate to encounter this in my life. Should I go further or no? It actually came across my mind after I've done my practical. However, I just couldn't make up my mind. I am scared. What if I can't keep up with the standard of Diploma and I could be wasting my time and money. All those different kind of thoughts kept popping in my mind and a war just started inside. Moreover, I have to make sacrifices as well. My academy is getting heavier and more stressful than previously, what if I can't spare my time for my practice? And when it comes to practical, practice is the key to get the best results. That's why I was stucked there and I hate putting myself in such situation where I couldn't make any decision, because I'm scared.

I'm always afraid of making decisions that might bring me regrets or more troubles. Well, who doesn't, isn't it? But I just couldn't pull myself together and think of a best solution. And yet, fear is always the trap that I would fall into. I guess, I am not strong enough to brace myself. It is always scary to make such decisions in my life, and I hate it. Because of the struggles that make me feels weak, helpless and useless. I love music, of course I do. I am free soul whenever I indulge myself in music and every time it makes me happy. All I want is a boundary-less kind of passion, where I can just genuinely be myself and not a single judgement around. That's why I've been struggling. Grades and qualification aren't what I look up for when I started learning music. I learn because I love. Turning it into some achievement, isn't the reason I started it. Then, making it into a career definitely not my goal, but some they don't understand. No matter how I still love music and I want my love for it to be freed. Yet, it's too late to change it back to my starting point. Nobody actually can feel for my feelings, and they just can't understand why. I don't blame them as they are not in my shoes. Even though some of them are in my shoes, they can't genuinely feel about my feelings because they aren't me. "Me" the one who is struggling to free the loved one.

But then, after a long battle with the struggle, I've made up my mind. I've come so far til today, I'm scared if I give up now, I might regret in my future. Perhaps, I just don't want to stop here. Perhaps, after so long, I just wanna keep going and see how far I could go. And see what the ending will bring me to. Just keep going and things will fall into place. So, I chose to go further, because regrets aren't my kind of thing, and I know I would regret if I didn't take this challenge. If can minimize them, I go all out to avoid them, because having them in my life, is the definite pain in my ass. Because I've made a wrong one in the past, not now anymore.

Time can't go backwards, regrets are the residues of time. Sometimes, they are like reminder where it reminds you of the silly decisions you've made in the past, which you can never go back and correct them. And it's real pain in life. 

Okay that's all for today, thank you for reading it til the end. Do you know, you are the best person in the world? haha

Take care, loveya'll,

xoxo,