A Pool of Tears.

Yesterday night, actually I was on my bed, thinking about life, listening the song while I was surfing the net through my phone, as usual. Then, I saw something that attracted my attention. It was about the results which has been released. So, I rushed down to my sista who was using the computer and asked her to check the results. Yes, the results is expected from what I've give to it. It is undeniable, bad, terrible and it hurts so much. But I can't do anything about the results as it has became a fact. Even though I had expected the outcome, but I just couldn't accept it instantly. And so, my mind gone off.

I know, I'm not giving everything, I am selfish. And so, I should accept the consequence of what I've done to myself. I deserve what I've got. Then, as usual, cried like a baby. Suffocated. Helpless. The sobs was echoing in my mind. As if I was having a heart attack. Chest Pain. The song was still carry on playing, as if my companion of the night. It didn't abandon me, it just played quietly, kept my accompany. So, I kept crying until I was exhausted. I was condemning everything that happened to me, from every aspect. It was genuinely the most sorrow moment of the year, worst ever. Thinking about whys, "Am I not good enough to have what I want, what I am pursuing?" There was so many questions in my mind that I couldn't answer. It was a horrible night. Cried like nobody's business. I need to release it, despite I had had told myself not to give out so easily. Or else, I might gone insane. Despair just took over everything of that night. I wiped all the tears and cleaned off the mucus in my nose which blocked my breathing, as if I was going to die and tried to sleep. It was a long and painful night.

"I close my eyes and I can a brighter day....." Nope, it never happen. I closed my eyes, all the loathsome images appeared in the dark. I was scared of being separated from my classmates and my friends due to the disaster happened to my results. It was a frightening night as well. All the fear were coming back from the darkness, taken away all my happiness, engulfed the night. I was telling myself, "Be proud of what you've done to yourself. Remember this day, and never repeat it. This is the lesson you've learnt from the irreversible mistakes you've made. Take it with you, stay alert." It was a bluff, indeed, to make myself stronger to withstand the fear. Then, I fell asleep. The sleepless night had just gone. 

Woke up this morning, the first thing came to my mind was the results, again. I have to confront it anyhow, it just happened in my life. I must stay strong, can't be defeated so easily, because I am who I am. :) But still, I can't stand to see the results for 10 minutes. It still hurts so much. 

I was thinking, how good if I were given some superpower, so I can erase the sadness from my life, just to remember the happiness. Ironically, this is not an animation, not even a dream. 

Dream which is the thing that saves me from everything, but so to destroy everything of me. How ironic it is.

Remember, this is life, up and down is inevitable. Get through it, slice it into pieces! :p

this is the song that kept me accompany for the entire night.

what a beautiful melody. ;)

If the time has to come, just let it be, because time is fixed. 

Jam. lovess