C-O-L, stand for?

Feeling like wanna Cry Out Loud. Everything is pushing me so hard till I am suffering from breathless.

I am trying my best to avoid THIS from happening, however it's actually torturing me so 'well'. Fortunately, it's not happening now, but soon.

I don't know what had happen to me? I am just freaking slack to do the things which I suppose to complete. Why am I behaving like this? .... .... answer-less. 

Different case now, I should be jealous? I scarce know. The deeds of people around imply that, I suppose to be jealous, and yet I don't want to be jealous of it. 

It doesn't deserve my jealousness, besides I don't have to be jealous of it, it's not necessary for it. 

Alone isn't that terrible, honestly. Sometimes, we should feel proud of being alone, maybe? Or I should mention it as SINGLE. 

Single life isn't that bad, I mean to me, lols. Cause I don't need someone to support my life, but I need a person who is trustworthy and I can believe and tell him everything in my deeply heart. He/She doesn't have to be my lover.

However, I might not get one in my entire life, even though maybe I have go to 'somewhere far'.

Unfortunately, sometimes when I need someone to be my audience, I am so sympathize with myself and feel so lonely, cause....

I don't even have a trustworthy listener. Maybe I don't deserve it? Yea, maybe. ;(

Or I can say I do not trust people well, cause without any ideas, sometimes I can feel there is still a thick wall between us. Then, I will definitely feel, " hmm, actually we are not that close." After that, I gave up telling people. 

In a sudden, I feel that I am not a good friend at all, frankly. I am an extraordinary terrible friend. 

I am a failure, that's all.

Conclusion is made, I am sucks in expressing my feelings, 
therefore I need a person who know me well.