Off track



 Sometimes I wonder why I blog about my life, where I have to expose my life to the world without boundaries. Sometimes I am afraid of exposing myself to the world, as I think I have to keep some privacy for myself right, including my feeling. Then, soon enough, I barely blog because I am fear that the world will use my weakness as a weapon against me. How funny that somebody might think that I am trying to be famous or whatsoever, as I am not pretty and not slim. (preferable phrase to describe myself. lol)

 

Seriously, I have no idea why I blog right now, I am so lost even in my studies. I've lost my track and gone nowhere. I am in horror indeed, somehow I have to figure it out by myself. It is my life after all, I can't depend on people I barely trust. I have to admit that sometimes I try to expose some quality of myself, so that people will get to know me more, but unfortunately, people normally get the wrong idea. What can I do? It isn't that I ain't trying to let people understand me, just people don't care, and afraid to approach me. Am I that fierce to you guys? Well, I can only say that, people who really understand me will know the truth. They will understand why I behave like that. People who know the surface will have those common thinking about me. I can't do anything though. Just let it be. :)

 

Back to the topic, why blogging? Perhaps, one of the reasons is to express myself or an escape for myself, somehow I can't speak in front of people about my feelings. Anyway, I still can't figure out the main reason. Okay, I'll think about it later.

 

Looking at them, those who understand so well in studies, make myself feeling as if I am piece of shit. It's really hurtful when everyone knows about something yet myself know nothing. Nothing. I did tried to understand the chapter, but I still couldn't understand well. I felt terrible and offended. I have tried, yet why I still couldn't get a thing? WHY? Maybe I should have tried thousand times, like Einstein. lol Too bad, I am not him, or I want to be like him?

 

Well, it isn't that I am not sure what I want to study in future, just that it is quite not related to what I am studying. That's why I feel so wrong right now. Perhaps, I've let my mind interrupted by some devils in my mind.

thanks for reading all my crap and random thoughts. haha Have a nice day! :)


Less than two weeks to the battle and so to my end of secondary life.