The Equivalent.

Aye everyone! I know, I know, but I am back now! Aye! :D I'm feeling huge of satisfactory now, because I eventually watched  Spirited Away for the second time! I've been dying to watch the second time since March or April, because I miss them so much, especially no-face-guy. He is freaking cute and I simply love this character and of course the two main characters as well! :) 

If anyone of you never watch Spirited Away before, you must now go and watch it! It is a necessary anime for every childhood, even though I never know what it is when I was a kid. lol Okay, but now I am telling and suggesting you guys to watch it if you never know what it is. You will never regret! Enjoy! 

Okay, back to the main topic. Well, I'll blog about the advanced mother's day celebration after my mid year exam. Indeed, this month is the exam month, but somehow I am here. haha I know, I should not be here, but I really can't leave my blog just dead silent for a month right, and so I'm here to blog. :) I hope you guys won't mind if I crap again, yup, crap starts now. 

I really don't know why.... I lost everything, the most importantly my motivation. I am completely lost right now, why am I being so useless.? I thought I have everything under control and thought everything will goes smoothly. HA HA However, life is fulled of surprises. It isn't go really well recently. I'm feeling kind of fed up with all these exams and stress from every side of my life. Not only teachers, school and also myself. Worst is I know what I should be doing, somehow I couldn't work it out. Repeating failures. Then, it straightly affects my confidence and everything which goes in my mind. All my goals and whatever related to studies and future just gone in a blink of eyes. Then, everything changes its direction towards the wrong side. I am watching myself going to a wrong path, but myself is not doing anything! I am obviously watching myself die hideously. 

I am doing nothing, but kept feeling pangs of remorse! My days were getting worse and worse. I am tired of life like this, despite I know my life is way better than the others. However, myself is condemning. What's wrong with me?! I just don't know. 

I am lack of everything. I am jealous. I am over thinking. I am complaining about life. I am boring you. I am nobody. I am weak.;

It just hurts when........ how stupid my life is going right now. It is lifeless. I do not want to be bounded with exam and whatsoever....... I'm desiring for what I've longed. It just so so so hard to get it. Before achieving that, I have to go through bunches of hardships, and experience life. 

We fight for our dreams and lives. Somehow I've lost my determination and perseverance. I am weak. 

I thought I can become strong after undergoing endless of challenge, somehow my thinking is wrong. I've fallen, before I confront the challenge. It sounds so ironic, but true. Revealing the truth. I am not strong, not for now.... I don't know how long I can stand. I need a reliable person whom I can rely on. I am exhausted of burdening myself. 

Life goes on. I have to be who I have to be. I can't be defeated so easily, deapite I always wanted to give up. Yea, this is part of life right. But I just want my life goes under my control. This is a big issue when you want to gain something without sacrificing anything. Unfortunately, nothing comes without an equivalent trade. No pain no gain. This is the rule for every single thing in this world. When you ask for more, you have to pay more. However, if you don't want to pay more but gain more then you can sleep and dream. 

Life never goes easy on you, the player. Don't get too serious until you have to. Life is not supposed to be occupied with unnecessary tension. Remember you are the player you play your game the way you want. In the end, you're the one that enjoy the results. Bear in mind, no gain no pain and life is an equivalent trade. 

I'm learning to accept but not reject. You're born to be like this. Explore the world, enjoy your life, deserve better treatment. Don't give up so easily, you will miss out a lot of "promotions" which will make your life a better ones. 

Jam. lovess