GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I'm back! Yeah, it was so quiet on my blog since my last update. I am so sorry for not blogging, because of all those endless homework. Honestly, my life is genuinely turned upside down after all the homework was given non-stopping. My life becomes so hectic, I have to dash off all of them within a certain period. I kept telling myself, I am going to die, or No no I can stand all these rubbish. All the dilemma were coming through my mind, and apparently, you can see how my life can be, until now. I am supposed to do my homework, but I couldn't stand anymore to leave my blog dead silent, so I came here and blog something, or whatever. I just wanted to blog, the whim stroke my mind yesterday night, unfortunately, my comp was having some trouble, but everything's fine right now!
Anyway, my disastrous life is seriously killing me. Undoubtedly, my mid year exam is around the corner, on the coming Thursday. However, I'm still not prepared yet, not even start my revision. wtf I broke my promise.... I did not keep my words to myself. sigh Feel so ashamed of myself. The exam is on next week, less than a week from now. What am I thinking?! Am I alright? Or my mind has gone mad as the homework coming none-stop? I'm gonna emotionally break down man, all the stress from the school and myself is murdering my brain cell and directly influence the balance of my emotion. I felt so depress and lifeless! Can you believe, I haven't go for shopping for a month?! I know, maybe some of you can live without shopping, but whatever shopping is fine with me, I just wanna go out and breathe in some fresh air to wipe off all the negative thoughts in my mind. However, my weekends is always fully booked with tons of excuses. Like this Saturday is a school replacement, so morning I have to attend school, and evening for my piano lesson! When the hell I have to time to shopping?!
My life is a mess right now, everything is going disorderly. Everything is out of control?! I just want to live in peace, can't I? I don't want to be over-stressed by homework, or any ridiculous new policy or whatsoever! I just want to live like a NORMAL human. Maybe some of you guys can accept pressure from any aspect, but I can't, I just can't! I'll break down...... and what else, cry lo. Crying is the only way I can release myself from the obligation, is the only chance I can be wanton, is the only moment I can do something without worrying. Cry is not the best solution for everything, but at least you can be freed from the burden for awhile. We aren't not supposed to live like this, we deserve better, we can pamper ourselves with better treatment. Not torturing. It might be sound bit rude using 'torturing', somehow it's true.
I am only seventeen, a teenager who is waiting for the war. I am growing, developing and exploring the world. I don't want to be feeling fed up with this world by having unnecessary pressure. I don't want to have bad feeling about myself, and negative thoughts swirling in my mind. I just want to be happy all the time..... Somehow this is the biggest challenge in my life. It is not that I don't have jovial memory, but I want my life own it all the time. I am greedy and selfish. I hope my life could be zero sadness and negative feelings, sarcastically that is impossible. I mean, it could be possible, but a life without sadness, is much pathetic. However, I wish my life could be like that. Overloaded of happiness is a dream to everyone perhaps.
People is afraid of losing the game. The game that involve the whole world. People are fighting, comparing, wasting... Some of them is winning the game, somebody's not. This is the balance of the world. The existence of both of them, create differences. The ugliest side of the world is horrible and unbearable. I wish I could just abscond with my purely happiness.
Sometimes I want to escape from this city, living in the forest peacefully, separated from the outside. It isn't mean that I am escaping from my problem, burden, but I choose to leave the game.
Jam. lovess
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