im wide awake.

#random

This was just how I feel. 

I feel so wrong for everything. I was burning inside myself, my heart was pumping so hard, that I could barely breath, heartbeat rhythmically awaken every single of my consciousness. My cheek was blushed like an red apple, but fortunately, no one sees. And now you know my secret. 

When the melody started, I knew it. But I couldn't believe that things happened beyond my expectation. Anyway, it did not surprises me, just could not feel at ease. I was afraid and frighten out. 

I was attempting to abscond with my guilt and stupidity from the tense situation. Unfortunately, I failed to stand up and run. I couldn't move every inch of my muscle. 

I was sitting at somewhere, pretending steady and calm, despite I was bundle of nerves inside me. My body was on fire, the air around me was heating, soaring! But still, acting as if nothing happen, looking calm, attempting to retain my composure. 

Then, the melody stopped, all the screams and noise were fading away. I could not keep my head up straight. I was afraid of everything that just happened, it was horrible. My hands were shivering, I was extremely desperate to curl up my body and hold my knees, bury my head inside, but I can't, that's too obvious. I must be calm. 

Then, I know, what's going on. I was wrong. Myself was wrong, feeling was telling me the truth but I rejected the truth, because I was tired of it. Thing like this is exhausting. And I understand myself very well, it is not what I really want, what I need. Somehow, my feeling refuse to follow my will. If it really destined, it will happen eventually. just wait. we'll meet someday.

In the end, I opted to go against my feeling. This is why, I am suffering. I am obviously, torturing myself, hiding the truth deep inside my conscience. I complain, condemn, blame.. this is the only the let go my pain. 

It hurts really bad. so, you guys out there better dont try. loll

 I am not out of my mind, im wide awake. I am just a masked girl. im hiding the truths. 

I care, but I dont show it. Everything you see, ain't always what it seems. 

Jam. lovess

Over.

ohhhhhh YAY! Finally, the exam is almost over, since tomorrow I still have last two, well hmm, unimportant papers, so it can be considered as over. I am so tremendously happy right now, feeling of exhilaration is flowing throughout me, all the burden are flowing out of me. thanksgod that I am eventually back to normal life, which no more hectic revision and lack of sleep life. 

You know, sometimes when you study too much, it's extremely lifeless. Everything keeps repeating without fun, just blur blur, dull and boring. Moreover, we merely attempt to memorize all the syllabus in order to pass the exam. We lost our incentive and initiative. 

This is so lifeless. But we have to carry on for some reasons, like our future and flying colours results. 

Nowadays, students study for results, all the fun and joy of knowledge have been murdered, and study without really knowing the true objective. What a pitiful study purpose we have. 

To be franked, I am so willing and LOVE to enhance my knowledge, but since all the 'rules and regulation' of study nowadays, my spirit for discovering more knowledge has been abridged. Well, it sounds I give up easily, generally yes, perhaps. Sometimes, it's really torturing and suffering to keep up the pace of others when you are trying to enjoy the joy and fun that knowledge gives you. Somehow, inevitably, you just couldn't make it through without thinking giving up the true objective. Everything is so dreadful and suffocating. How can you still be so slow while others are surpassing you?! Human...human... is so confusing. 

I love and would like to learn. Unfortunately, I have limited strength and ability. I do not have enough time to achieve my desires. It's really something regrettable, but I can prolong the time to accomplish my desires? I will take it positively. :) Or I need a appropriate time management? teeeeheeeeee Besides, I can't overcome the pressure and stress for study, as you know, people around me are very good and excel in study, always pass with flying colours. Me? No way, I couldn't be as excellent as them, because I have limited power. Too bad, my brain is different from them, theirs are so abnormally powerful. 

I am not belittle myself, but it's true. I am not as good as them, I feel so inferior. Even though, I give everything of mine for study, somehow the outcome as if being limited and regulated. I will never be able to reach the same level as them, indeed, it's impossible to surpass them. *sigh, I should not talk this on my blog, haha, I am telling you guys how terrible I am. 

Anyways, I should be happy, because the exam is over, and I have bunches of awesome friends around me. Even though, sometimes I feel a lil bit left out, however I am proud to be their friend. :) Left out because I am different from them, alienated.  

Jam. lovess

Protective.

Well, everything is going so wrong right now. It doesn't turn out like how I imagined and expected. EVERYTHING IS GOING SO WRONG! How could everything treat me like I am sinner?! I am so innocent to deserve this. 

Things are pushing me to the death wall again. As you know, it isn't the first time they did this to me, somehow this time, I cannot take it anymore. It is not what I want, perhaps, I don't deserve to be treated like this. Exhausting schooling, tuns of homework and foreveralone. I should be living more satisfyingly, unfortunately, I am not. I am living so unsatisfying and it is seriously a mess and disaster! I did not mean that, I am not happy, but merely not satisfy with what is happening to me now.

I was being so blanked-mind, worn out and bad-tempered currently. The days I've gone through were immensely craps and ridiculous. How can I gone through days like this?! Is this my 2012? Can my resolutions be accomplished? Can everything goes on its track?! WHY THESE ARE HAPPENING TO ME?! WHY?????????????????!! 

I had fed up with all these things and almost made me burst into tears. Maybe it's time to wake up from my imagination and bring myself back to where I suppose to be. I should be more realistic and summon up my blood to face the world with my sincere heart and soul. I need to regain my courage. 

I am being so coward to confront the world which I think is heartless enough to bring me to death. I was in a funk and lost, when everything goes out of my control. I could hardly put up with all these disobedient craps. 

Besides, there was a little surprise occurred as well and it might make some changes soon or later. I'm not prejudiced about this surprise, but it might turn out to be a menace to me. Alright, maybe I am being over protective for the sake of myself. Is this what they called, selfish? or what? I am selfish. Ya, perhaps, it might be correct, I am selfish in order to save myself from being hurt. That's why I said, I am being kinda protective! It is nicer to be heard as Protective! 

I can see, the sky is getting darker. I am going to be swallowed by darkness and live with it. Loneliness comes with the darkness, since the day we met. Bye. 

I love Chilam! ♥ 

You are awesome, handsome, talented and young looking! dream-man. 

But I will never own you. haha, too bad. :') By the way, its just my dream which will never be granted. 

Halo, BFF stress-ie.

Halo guys, I am back again with exhausted mind and body. I've been immensely busy with studies recently, and I was completely worn out! I wonder why, study and schooling can be so tiring. 

I yawned during every lesson and my heavy eyelids were trying so hard to not close it. 

I really have no idea, why it is so tiring! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Besides, I am also suffering from shoulder pain. Maybe it's due to the heavy school bag. *cry, my school bag is heavier than the past few years. Moreover, the textbooks are also increased and thicker than before. That's something really bad! 

Teachers keep telling us, Form 4 and 5 are not the moment for honeymoon, I flinched. I had honeymooned * actually not really honeymoon, but just normal, no special effort on study.* for my past few years, and suddenly I have to regain my seriously hardworking life. That is a enormous change to me, normally Form 4 is the toughest year, because everything is still new and fresh to us, and we have to get use to it in a very short period, since the exam is around the corner! *die.

I almost burst into tears when I know the exam will be held in February because it's my bday month! I am immensely freaking out. I have so many things to worry, can teachers explain everything clearly? can I handle all the subjects? is everything okay?! Apparently, a NO-NO,  to me.  

I can feel the stress seizing my body and mind going to collapse me. Everything comes unbelievably fast and waken me from my comfortable dream. 

I could hardly handle everything without tuition or the help of my sista and friends. Apparently, I am not a genius. Literally, I am telling the truth.  *omfg, my shoulder starting to pain again. fk.*

I am suffocating from the stress, not only from studies and piano as well! My teacher told me, I must pass my G7 practical with distinction, because I had trained so much on technical skills and deserve to pass with distinction. *speechless.

Okay, it might be easy to say, but severely hard to accomplish. It isn't a bed of roses, guys. Distinction in G7 is not a joke, it is something serious and challenging. It requires courage and kinda effortful for me to triumph. I am lack of self-confidence, since I've seen distinction only for once. 

You know, Life is not always easy. It is like a roller coaster, undergoing up and down insanely. So you have no options but to get rid of it and walk out from the vague denouement. Overwhelm others in order to convince them and yourself, that you are not a failure. keep the faith. show them who you are. :)

It is not easy to possess triumphs, but at least you give yourself an opportunity to try.

these are what I've learnt, but still I flinched. 

Jam, loves.

It's the day!

Oh YAY! Today is a remarkable day! 22dec2011, I've got my PMR result which I had eager for so much! 

I slept as usual yesterday, but seem my friends were too panic for today, they can't sleep well yesterday. However, I was awoke in the middle of the night, and suddenly my heart beating abnormally fast. Then, I knew I was actually nervous and panic. Fortunately, I could slept after that. thanks god. I woke up at 9.30am and I was late. haha! 

When I reached school, outside it was crowded with students. After met up with my friends, shunningtan and I went into school and waited for our result, as we had been told the result will release at 10am. But then, teacher announced it was delayed to 10.30am. 

Anyways, at the end, I've got my result. :D It's a fascinating result! haha It is beyond my expectation as I thought I was going to score an B for my Mandarin. 

But then, I am so fortunate to score straight A's in PMR! I screamed and jumped when I saw my result is 'flooded' with A's. Then, I called my mom and inform her the great news! hehe, after taking the result, my friends and I decided to go to the nearest mall - Leisure Mall to relax and simply 'celebrate' it, since today is dongzhi as well! 

My rewards for this result are all cashes! As it is the most common and general uses reward. HAHA. 

* I did not mean to show off or anything, i merely wanted to share my happiness and excitement of this great news! Hope you guys can feel the heat too! :D

hehe just to make some hilarious effects, but failed. D'; Besides, I am ugly in the photo. lols

Certificate from school. 

I've got my pay off, finally. 

By the way, next year is the toughest year, perhaps. I can't believe I am 16 next year and gonna study different things and knowledge! I hope I can handle it well and absorb everything I'm gonna learn the in coming years. 

Congratulations to all PMR candidates! :D

||: It doesn't matter how many A's you score, it's about the lessons you had learnt within the denouement and yourself. As long as you had did your best, you deserve what you got. 

x x x

It's been a long time I did not leave my footprint here. Halo guys, how was your November? haha, mine is gone quite well. I can't be decisive right now, because we are still in the middle of November! lolll *rubbish

As you can see, I started my post with bunches of rubbish, the time is passing so slow and boring! But fortunately, I've got something new to kick out my bored-ness which is Monopoly, but it's in the cards form! Did you guys heard about Monopoly Deal Card Game? I think most of you guys heard about it before, but basically it's new for me! I never heard about this before, and after I played the game, I am falling for it. 

It's so different from the board game form, because it required a cleared-mind and good strategy. lolll. It's kinda difficult to describe right here, but when you are playing, you will find out the technique and it will be so interesting! :D 

I am going to get myself a set of this Monopoly Deal Card Game. hehe Hope it isn't too late. haha! 

//: something started to change now. However, I have no ideas how am I going to get the solution. I feel as if I am being discriminated and excluded. It always hurt. 

That's all! Bye. 

planB

Don't know why sometimes I think my english is quite unearthly. I am so embarrass to speak english or even write english whenever I go, including blog *although I am actually using english now, but I still feel embarrassed*

Time flies, tomorrow is Monday. Lifeless man! The Deepavali holiday is here, but I feel nothing, not even happy, excited or eager.

Everything had become meaningless to me, and I am so disorient. People are busy with their occupied life, but after PMR I am so freaking sloth and lost. I should plan before the PMR, because I need a plan.

I hope to get myself a job to earn money because I am seriously lack of cash now. Besides, I have a long to-buy-list in my mind however sometimes it is just so difficult to fulfill it. 

Then, I am lack of choices of animation, I am so lost, again. I couldn't get any website or program to watch ALL the animation or any movies online. I need one! 

I had even thought to start study for Form 4. I thought I was insane, but my second thought, NO. I am not insane. 

I am wasting my time on doing nothing and garbage. I should spend some of my leisure on study. I can't overcome the pang of conscience. Maybe I should start to study after all. == I think, I am insane. 

No matter how, I am still waiting for some awesome animation to show up! Any suggestion? )'; I need it so badly. My time is flying away without any beneficial reason and meaningless.

Tetris at home almost everyday. Rank up, rank down like a roller coaster. I am so boring! I miss books sometimes, although I said I had fed up with books. hehe

Maybe I am going to blog everyday? idk.

Life is full with paradoxes. 

Anyways, love life, no lies. :)

To-Do-List.

I've got a lot of to-do-list after the PMR! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeewit! It is so awesome great after the PMR. :) However, when the PMR just ended at the moment, I was completely disorient and feeling-less omg. I was like, uh? end? oh ya. And I did not react like what I've expected. Oo?

I think, I might have some problems with my mind. ya, mental disorder.

However, it had ended, so I don't want to think too much of it because the last day was entirely ruined my mood and the eagerness of the end of PMR. == hateit.

Yesterday I watched the movie, The Three Musketeers with my friends after we've done with the PMR. ish! 

Overall, the movie is full with hilarious and sacrificing, courage and heroic! Besides, I love the musketeers so much! They are so brave and bold in order to protect the country and love. Literally, the movie is awesome and, well, what can I say, it is totally the best. :)

The musketeers are so adorable and I admire their courage and the motivation of being a musketeer. xD They are amazing!

fight. love. life. 

Four of them are so cute, especially Porthos (second from the right). He possesses an extraordinary powerful strength, and, he is cute!

The young one, D'artagnan. He is the youngest musketeer among the four of them and his father told him to get into some troubles when he off the Paris to fight, love, life and.... Then, he really does. xD 

Okay, guys! Let's us be the musketeer as well! :) Fight for our life. 

lovess.

To-Do-List.

1. watch all animations which I had listed long time ago.
2. burn all the books
3. enjoy every moment without books
4. hang out with friends.
5. relax and recharge myself 
6. be prepared for a tougher battle after this year. 
7. create more remarkable memories with family, relatives and friends. 
8. blog.

that's all. bye.

APPLe-PAsTA

Ohh yeah!! Finally, the garbage exam was ended! I am extremely elated, no more books, but definitely I must work harder after this exam, because the PMR is around the corner! I never want to count down for the PMR, since I am afraid of confronting something I hate. LOL

Going out with darlings on this Saturday! woots, freaking look forward to it, since I have a long time didn't hang out with my darlings. It's time to let my hair down for awhile. :) 

This Saturday may be a blood out day! I am going to spend a lot of money on food instead of outfits. lols.

I would rather spend money on food to fulfilled my aspiration for food instead of using my money to buy something more expensive than food. :x Food is the most reliable ones. 

Just now I cooked my lunch with the assistance from my mother. LOL, indeed it's her lunch as well. My lunch-Tune Pasta. Okay, as you can see the name of this dish, you can obviously think of the taste of it, you are right, tuna fish! 

It's easy to cook, as long as you are not afraid of stoves! lols

I've forgot to take a photo of my pasta, I am sincerely sorry to you guys, because I was tremendously starving just now. HEHE, my sista said it tastes good and kept 'scooping' my pasta. ishh...

Tuna PAsTA.

ingredients: onions, garlic, canned tuna and pasta.

seasoning: herbs, pepper and salt. 

1st: cook the pasta with boiled water first! It takes time to cook the pasta, thus cook it first, it may helps you to save a lots of time! meanwhile you can do other things when you are 'boiling' your pasta.

2nd: mince all the onions and garlic. 

3rd: heat the pan with some oil, then cook the minced onions and garlic until they turn into golden colour, of course not as if it burnt. xD

4th: then, pour the tuna into the pan after that continue stir and cook. You can add some water if it's necessary. 

5th: season the tuna with herbs, pepper and salt and it's up to your taste bud. 

6th: pour everything into a bowl and mix it with the cooked pasta. You can season the pasta with some mayonnaise, as you like.  

It is a free style cooking pasta, as you can put whatever ingredients you have to cook an incredible dish! This is what cooking magic can do! 

I did not take a photo of my pasta but I did took a photo of an apple! I love apple so much!

I will share more about cooking next time, hmm, perhaps I should go and try on a APPLe-PAsTA like my post title. xD
haha...
hmm, okay I think that's all, bye!

怪咔！

我的人很奇怪，也自认是个怪咔。


我很喜欢大海。但是，海给了我一种说不出的恐惧，因为我不会游泳！

我很喜欢海风。虽然会黏黏的，可是很自由，完全没有约束的与我的脸擦肩而过。

我很喜欢海水。时暖，时冰的。我觉得，它和我性格很相似，阴晴不定。

我很喜欢夕阳。尽管它象征一天的结束，但也同时代表着另一个新的开始。


我无不从离开过矛盾这二字。我的小半生就这么奉献给了矛盾，难以做出选择的我，就是这么“ 钝 ”。
凭我的性格，是很难去选择一样东西。虽然要求不高，但我只求感觉。每样事情，我都凭感觉，因为我信任它会带着我去自己想要的地方。

我行我素，也很喜欢。因为这是我。

我以自己的方式去处理，有问题吗？我以自己的方式去生存，那又有问题吗？
我行我素，不需要被认同。

不过，就是过不了心里的那一关，坚持着希望会被认同，被看见。

我要他人看见我的存在，是多么的绚烂！

-完-

这里的片面之词，只是出于一时冲动，

所以别太在意。

Jam.

06.07.2011

the Murderer of a murdered.

Hey guys, I am back. Sorry that I am missing for few days, because I have to focus on my ABRSM Piano Practical Exam, and it eventually ended yesterday! Woots, I am tremendously happy and what a relief now. This huge burden is finally get out of me. 

Yesterday I woke up early to practice my piano, especially my scales, hehe. Then, on the way to the Prince Hotel, was super duple traffic jam! =o= I don't know why the town is always in a traffic jam condition, why it didn't getting better though they had did a lot of thing to solve this serious and critical problem. ==

After that, we finally reached the hotel save and sound. Parked the car and went up to the venue. 

Then, open the waiting room door... It was so crowed inside!! omgosh.................... But never mind, it doesn't calm my nervous mood either. LOL, I was so scared and nervous in the waiting room, waiting for the people called me to wait outside the exam room. 

It was a scary ambience inside the waiting room, I was trying to steady myself, but it seems like useless. LOL. Then, the lady eventually called my name and I followed her to the chair which special for the candidates to sit while waiting for the examiner call. 

THEN, the examiner called, finally. Her name Elizabeth Hayley. *click the name, you can find out more about her.* She looks friendly and she is a kind lady. :) I love her, actually. hehe. Her slaves-less pink dress make her looks so young and cheerful! I love her ocean-blue eyes as well, it's so fascinating! woots.

First, scales. Hmm, I did quite bad for my scales, I mean overall. Mistakes never let go me. =,= However, I didn't care much of that, because I know myself well. Nervous is always the murderer. 

Pieces, okay, it were kinda disappointed me. I made mistakes in every pieces. HAHA, I can't believe the most reliable pieces, are making me so astonished and down. What a huge joke! Maybe I was over-confident. 

Sight reading, hehe, the examiner treated me quite well, the sight reading is kinda easy, but I still made some mistakes. sucks me. 

Then, the most horrible aural came to me at last. I can't hardly say it went good, but sucks. HAHA, I know my aural level all the way long. Hence, I didn't care much too, unless I know I had tried my best. Just let it go naturally. 

Went out of the exam room with a relief smile. :) I told myself, finally it's ended. I found my freedom again. Even though, my exam doesn't go so well as I expected, but at least, it's gone. 

The burden had gone!

Maybe distinction is not mine for this time, I did not blame myself, or the examiner either.

If I deserve the distinction, the examiner will know. If I did not, she will knows too.

No matter how, nervous is always the killer!! arghhhhhh.......... fine. I've been killed one more time. lols.

On Nine Cloud.

Ohh ya, I eventually finished Inuyasha The Final Act through online! I am tremendously happy and high now! wheeeeeeeeeeee~

I love the ending so much. :) Warm and lovely ending which, I think most of the people aspirate it. Inuyasha and Kagome finally got to be with each other. Then, they live happily ever and after. lols.

I am still on the nine cloud! Can't get down from it yet... wheeeeeeeeeeee~ Over-high. LMAO.

Though, I had finished the Final Act, but still I aspirate to buy the DVD in the coming year animation fair, so that I can watch as many time as I want! muahahaha! I am insane, who cares. :P

However, the only character I love the most in Inuyasha still remain the same, Sesshomaru, Inuyasha's bro. 

hmm, Okay, I will stop talking about the anime, Inuyasha. ;x I know you guys are not quite interested in anime. hehe. Sincerely apologizes to all readers. 

Then, after finished the Final Act, I think I cannot spend any time on watching animation already, because I ought to be doing revision and study. Besides, I must practice my piano start from now and only left less than ten days to the exam. woots, I have to prepare hard for the exam, because I want to get distinction for Grade 6! I don't want to get pass anymore, it's such a shame to me. yucks!

I believe I can, and I hope I can. *prayin.

I hope, everything can goes like how I wish it could.  HOPE. I've got too much of hope, over limit as a human should have.

Too much desires, live like hell. No desires have been fulfilled, tragedy. 

Everything is so high, til I can't reach it. Out of reach of my ability, disaster.

I am plain, I am no one. Nobody loves. 

This is what they call, LIFE.

一個人躺著，靜靜地聼著自己的心跳，

雙眼閉上，沉浸在黑暗中，看不見自己的蹤影，聼不見所有。

眼淚濕潤了臉蛋，提醒了自己原來是那麽的懦弱，告訴自己不該是那麽的脆弱，務必堅強起來，面對人世，挑戰一切。

哭過就好了，笑著來應戰。

再苦也好，這就是所謂的人生。

I admit, I cried for those stuffs that I usually cried for, either one. == yucks, I hate myself.

I scarce know why today I am so tired, outrightly worn out. But still, I have to practice my piano because today is Wednesday  I hate Wednesday since the class has been changed to Wednesday. *sigh.

Then, when I was practicing my scales and those bla bla so on, it was totally sucks! Feeling like going to spill out some bad words to revile myself. @#$%@#$%^&*(*&^%$# 

When I was, indeed, crying.. I kept telling myself those negative thoughts which seized my mind will go away after the tears had stopped.

Hence, I didn't stop myself from crying out loud. I just 'blew out' every unhappy things at once. I don't want to care anymore, there is nothing left for me to worry. Empty heart, Empty palace. 

However, I told myself something I guess it's right. I play for myself, not for the exam or even for the 'tick' on the date. 

Since the day I started to play piano, I didn't expect any benefits from it, I merely want to enjoy what it gives to me, that's all. NOTHING else at all!

However, one thought changed my mind. wth, I am so fragile. 

I shouldn't start the lesson, I SHOULDN'T! Because it's not my style, not my objectives of playing piano.

I don't what to be like this, play for the exam, play for not disappointing my teacher! I don't what like this!  This isn't what I want! NO! 

I just want to be free to play anything I want! Maybe the lesson gives me more than I expected, but I don't like to be bound. 

I don't like to take exam, I hate them.. Because I am afraid of encountering the failure. I always aim for the best, I want to be the apple, I want to be the star. But those, are not belong to me, I don't deserve it. 

After the tears had stopped, I told myself, yesh, I should be stronger! People shouldn't be like this, fragile, we need more courageous to go on. People shouldn't be weak, coward! 

Be Brave and Strong. 

Aspirate to be protected? Then, you should protect yourself first, no others. 

Better in Chinese.

Indeed, I am here to blog again. 

Ok, first of all, I am here to declare that I am going to d-i-e on tomorrow, because I didn't touch my KH books yet, and it covered many chapters which I almost forgot about them. 

Moreover, tonight I am going to attend my piano lesson as usual, this actually doubled my fright, because I am afraid of the matter of time. 

By the way, my sista told me KH is an easy subject, she comforts me not to be panic for it. == wth, seriously, her words didn't make me feel better.

They are beautiful. 

One question to ask, can I cry for the anime that I watched last day, La Corda D'oro, because it's a freaking awesome animation. It has outrightly reflected my dream for music. However, my passionate for Music still far apart from the main character's.

When I was watching the animation, I really thought that I was part of the animation. I threw myself into the animation. Because I love music too, I hope I can play like them too! BECAUSE I WANNA BE PART OF THEM. They are too awesome although it's just an animation and an unrealistic world. 

It would be freaking marvelous, if I can play like them. Music is not only about the skills, it's also needs the feeling.

Musician and Feeling are related, they support each other. The needs for technique and skill are different cases. 

If the person who really know about the definition of MUSIC, then they know that the technique and skill are not everything of MUSIC.

Technique and skill are the thing which make the musician play better, but not perfect the song.

If the people who watched La Corda D'oro before, they will understand what I said. 

At the moment, I hope I can cry for her, the main character, because her dialog is so right! My tears is rolling inside my eyes! 

// I think, I will consider to buy La Corda D'oro primo passo. ;x

不需要完美。

我完全失去了去向，沒有了方向。活得很沒趣，很有壓力，很不自由。

生命的掌控權被捆綁起來了。

我想，小提琴我不學了，自修好過。我不想再讓自己有負擔，因爲鋼琴已經讓我很辛苦了。
爲了要考取最優異的成績，我必須很努力的去達到目標。因此，這讓我痛不欲生。

我從小接觸鋼琴，音樂，一開始都是因爲興趣，因爲緣分，而不是以後的活路。
我不想讓自己討厭鋼琴，討厭音樂。我只是很單純的愛上音樂，而不是將它當成我的後路。我不要！
鋼琴開始了一半，因此無法半途而廢。但是，我可以選擇自修小提琴，不想再令自己活得更痛苦，也不想討厭小提琴。
或許以後吧，我會去學。可是，不是現在。

我不想我的興趣，將會變成黑暗的一面。

興趣不需要很完美，至少自己知道你很愛它，就足夠了。

完不完美呢，其實也只是depends on你自己如何看待它。
別人的眼光不重要，至少自己知道曾經努力過。

努力而得來的成績，就是最完美的。

但是，我的興趣不需要太完美，因爲我已經很愛它了。