im wide awake.

#random

This was just how I feel. 

I feel so wrong for everything. I was burning inside myself, my heart was pumping so hard, that I could barely breath, heartbeat rhythmically awaken every single of my consciousness. My cheek was blushed like an red apple, but fortunately, no one sees. And now you know my secret. 

When the melody started, I knew it. But I couldn't believe that things happened beyond my expectation. Anyway, it did not surprises me, just could not feel at ease. I was afraid and frighten out. 

I was attempting to abscond with my guilt and stupidity from the tense situation. Unfortunately, I failed to stand up and run. I couldn't move every inch of my muscle. 

I was sitting at somewhere, pretending steady and calm, despite I was bundle of nerves inside me. My body was on fire, the air around me was heating, soaring! But still, acting as if nothing happen, looking calm, attempting to retain my composure. 

Then, the melody stopped, all the screams and noise were fading away. I could not keep my head up straight. I was afraid of everything that just happened, it was horrible. My hands were shivering, I was extremely desperate to curl up my body and hold my knees, bury my head inside, but I can't, that's too obvious. I must be calm. 

Then, I know, what's going on. I was wrong. Myself was wrong, feeling was telling me the truth but I rejected the truth, because I was tired of it. Thing like this is exhausting. And I understand myself very well, it is not what I really want, what I need. Somehow, my feeling refuse to follow my will. If it really destined, it will happen eventually. just wait. we'll meet someday.

In the end, I opted to go against my feeling. This is why, I am suffering. I am obviously, torturing myself, hiding the truth deep inside my conscience. I complain, condemn, blame.. this is the only the let go my pain. 

It hurts really bad. so, you guys out there better dont try. loll

 I am not out of my mind, im wide awake. I am just a masked girl. im hiding the truths. 

I care, but I dont show it. Everything you see, ain't always what it seems. 

Jam. lovess

#random

A random post with some updates about recent events. 

Yesterday I attended a course for Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya (PRS) which held at MSU, Management&Science University. Honestly, I am not member of PRS, but my minminyi 'invited' me to join them for some funny reasons, so i joined. 

Well, I was so disappointed because they did not bring us to tour around the university, but stayed in the hall for their talk and some activities. I was so desperate for the tour because the hall was tremendously freezing cold and the uni is so big! I was shivering inside the hall, the air-con was right above me and I was sitting in the first row. 

Despite the shivering cold hall, it was a fruitful course. I learnt alot and met alot of people, better in communicating, perhaps. hehe 

There were still other school attended the course, they are also very amiable and funny. hehe I had a great time with them. Especially with my group 'Fantastic', the leader, he is so funny and friendly indeed! It is such a memorable day. ;D 

this is the only group photo we have. loll 

I did not take much photo yesterday, well more precisely, the only photo I taken part is this photo. LOL

Okay, let's proceed to the next event, the coming event. 

Oh yay, i should sound excited with the 'oh yay', but blatantly, no I am not. 

This Saturday is  our school Carnival Day and of course my class takes part in it. However, this is what makes me so headache and worry. 

My group hasn't plan anything yet, I mean a proper discussion. You know, I am a 'quite' organised person, so I have to plan before I start anything. Seriously, I am. I even plan what to wear, how everything should go, before the day comes. LOL When thing goes out of my plan, I gone insane and lost. Then, this is what I am worry for. 

No proper planning, I will gone mad and lost. 

Plan is like a guideline to me. I know how things should go and what shouldn't, at least I am able to predict the lil future and control the situation. Plan is what I always need in my life. I plan everything, before I start off. without any plan, I lost, stand still, can't move on. 

Even though sometimes, I wasn't able to plan anything for certain stuff, I will automatically imagine my prediction. I predict almost everything, despite sometimes I am wrong. LOL Just to make myself feel comfortable and ease with the circumferences. Predict good things to happen. :D hmm, I can foresee this event will be a successful carnival!

Okay, so I hope this Saturday is gonna be an awesome, fabulous day! I must enjoy throughout the Carnival!
Hope to see you guys there! hehe

ps/ decided to cut my hair to shoulder length and get myself a nice fringe! hope i wont regret. haha

Jam. lovess 

If I die tomorrow.

Blatantly, I ran away again, from my revision. I was supposedly doing the revision for additional mathematics. It should be an interesting subject, unfortunately I found out, if you don't have any clue about the chapter, it's actually something boring and sort of nonsense, as if you are like an idiot facing some aliens. So, I decided to run away and come over here to blog about some random stuff. hehe

One of the twitter trend, If I Die Tomorrow. The first thing I think of it, was the song "If I Die young". Then I thought about what I'll do, if I die tomorrow. Tomorrow... is Sunday. A family day, but my mind was kinda out of that range, I thought about love and feelings. 

Then, I tweeted, If I Die Tomorrow, I'll confess. Seriously, I would do that, if I could discover the date of my death, because confess is something horrible. It requires courage. I am timid, I don't even dare to look at the one for few minutes. I am scared and shy. I don't know the way to communicate and handle those socializing stuff. I could just pee in my pants. :x

But if I were going to die so soon, I'll definitely tell the one my feelings. Since, I don't have to confront the one, after he knows I was falling for him. lolls I know, I am kinda stupid and hilarious, but true. 

Confess, is something I barely do in my life. Telling people about my feeling is hard for me. The communication will definitely interrupted by me, crying or laughing during confessing. That's bad. lols 

Then my friends replied the tweet, confess before you regret. Indeed, I agree. If I confess before the day I die, I would certainly regret and conflicting in my coffin. lols Regret happens all the time in my life. I am obviously wasting my life to regret for something I would probably gain a victory. Yea, just being stupid in my life. 

Feelings are unspeakable. Some of them are undesirable and troublesome. You would never know, what aftermath they would bring to you until the day itself comes to you. 

Confess or not confess? 

I don't know and don't want to know. But one thing I know, one day the courage will come to me and I'll confess, tell the one, hey i'm actually fallin' for you, before I die so soon. lols 

Why I am so afraid of confessing? Because I am afraid of being rejected. hahaha. 

I am not pretty girl and special enough to catch somebody's attention, so I'd rather keep quiet and be myself, hoping others like me will appreciate and cherish the way I be myself. 


Jam. lovess

whatta you want from me?

Life, never goes like how we want. It always goes in the opposite way. The way which makes everyone uncomfortable, uneasy. 

We try everything we have to abscond from this bound, somehow, we just couldn't make ourselves out of this circumference. 

Desires cannot always be fulfilled. Perhaps, none of mine are being fulfilled. I fight hard for my desires, but still not one is satisfying. Some, maybe were granted, but I am greedy. 

Everything I've done, is not with my own will, well, maybe part of it. I wish my life can go like how I want. 

I want my life stay in my hand, but no others, not even the noble man in the world, not bound by any disaster, rules and regulation, NOT ANYTHING. Only myself, that's all. 

However, life is filled with unwilling moves. Every move we make, isn't deep from our heart. Every move we hold, isn't allowed to be granted, because it might lead us to despair. Who knows, maybe in the other way, we might get surprises instead. 

We always complain, about time we posses isn't enough for us to do everything we want. Indeed, time always insufficient in our life time, that's why it makes time becomes precious and invaluable. 

But we hate, I hate it much! My time always occupy with things I refuse to accomplish, but then I have no choice. 

Life isn't leave me any comfortable options. 

I have nothing to present to you, because you leave me no choice. 

random

Guys, this gonna be a random post, because I really have no idea what to blog, since my current life was a hectic study life, not much to talk about that, as all of you been through this kind of before. *faint

What should I do? The monthly test is getting nearer, yet stupidly I am still sitting in front of the comp, so unwilling to leave the seat. fml, I hate myself for behaving like this, as if I have a heavy ass to carry on. *though i really have a heavy stupid ass.

I do not want to be like this, but somehow, I can't cotrol myself. Obviously, self-control is getting weaker. I loathe this kind of behaviour, however, life isn't easy all the time. Overcome the obstacles, lesson learnt and gets stronger. This is about life.

We may feel stessful and confront some troublesome problems, but after we get over it, the satisfaction is invaluable. It will gives you a enormous and influential motivation. Besides, we learn as well, something that is out of the testbook syllabus. We learn, we grow, we get stronger and life becomes interesting and colouful. We can beuatify our own life, we have the right to make life better, we deserve it. We always do have opportunity to live better. if you have the initiative to do so! There are always chances waiting for you.

Even a smile can change someone's life, it is probably a piece of cake to make your own life as your really OWNed. Nobody can steal anyone's life, your life is only belongs to you, no others, not even your wise parents, yet the denouement should be your own responsibility. Make the right decision. Once, can change your life eternally.

love life.

randomly blogged. haha ta-ta. ;)

句子 = 心里话

嗨嗨嗨！大家好，又是华语的时候了，因为明天有华语考试，加上我没有时间去翻阅厚厚的作文书，所以当然要“华语化”自己一下。要不然，我想，明天的作文可以撞墙了。

由于没有什么特别的事情发生，因此也没什么好报告的。只是，今天的考试还蛮不顺利的，因为我犯了很多不该犯的错误，粗心！算了，又不是第一次，下次小心点儿就好了，吧？！。

当生活技能的考试在进行着时，我可是无聊得不得了，心里痒痒地想在手上作画，可是又怕皮肤敏感之类的。最后，我选择了在考卷上乱写一通。我知道，这样的举止很白痴，但也无可奈何。

就那瞬间，我的心情三百六十度转变，变得很低落、很文静，心里只想在考卷上涂鸦，想写些心里话。然后，就这样写着写着。。。眼皮很重。。。很重。。。很想睡觉！哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！不过，最终我还是睡不着，趴在桌子上，翻来覆去的，更白痴。

至于，我写什么，那就是。。。心里话啦！关于一些很正常的东西；一些我经常都在面对的事情；一些我永远都摆脱不了的事情。
嗯，就是那些事情。你、我、他都懂的事情啦！就这样，我的心里话竟然被自己出卖在考卷纸上。不过，也没什么不可告人的秘密，只是一些很普通又无聊的句子而已。

但是，为了安全起见，还是得将考卷纸收好，免得让人家看见我的句子有多无聊，有多白痴。更何况，那可是我的心里话，当然要收好好咯！

句子 = 心里话 = 很无聊 = 很白痴。

间接的告诉了你们，我很白痴。

我真有够白痴的。

他明明离我很近，但是感觉很遥远。我明明看见他，但是他总是看不见我。
痛苦。

掰。

Decision may kill you.

Yesterday is Thursday. Ya, today is Friday! It's Friday, Friday......... gonna get down on Friday. ;X Opps, tomorrow is Saturday, weekend! :D awesome! dahh, I am just randomly talking nonsense. :P 

Okay, seriously after the injection on Wednesday, my left arm is suffering from pain recently. Then, it swollen yesterday and maybe it is getting worse. ;x Really, though it doesn't get more painful but it getting more swollen. Just like a "hand-made" muscle.  LMAO.

Talk about others. Surprisingly yesterday, I did my science revision and I did some notes for it. Really awesome notes ever! xD I drew a lot of things. This is my first time of doing notes in so serious and strive.

drawings here. LOL

the kidney. So cute right?! I knew it. 

The Binary Fission which normally aliens and monsters are in this kind of form.

Budding. The spelling is almost similar to "Pudding". LMAO.

Amoeba, binary fission.

Yeast, budding. It looks like red blood cells more. xD

Starfish, Regeneration. Ugliest starfish ever! lmao.

Regeneration, similar to binary fission. Aliens and monsters are mostly in this form. HAHA!

I watch too much of cartoons(Ben10) and animation. 

Overall, I love the kidney the most! 

***

It's all about how the decision is made. Yesterday the speaker told us about this. I tremendously agree with him. Everything can change when making the decision or even the decision had be made. 

However, the denouement doesn't change. 

Everything is up to you to make the right decision and lead you to the right way and get your bright future. 

I had a great talk at school yesterday. The speaker is kinda hilarious and perhaps some of his points are correct and sensible. He got most of the points. HAHA! I just kept nodding my head when he was telling the points. 

It's true what............. :) 

Besides, he said, luck is one of the element to success. I nodded my head too. Then, he added, if you work harder, you will earn more luck. This is freaking nice and correct! And it's a joke too. 

4 months to the PMR. goodluck and work harder to earn more luck. haha. 

B Y E.

S-hort.

hmm, I came here for a short post, perhaps, because it's quite late now and I gotta get my butt off from the comp as soon as possible. Now the time is considered as late for my normal routine. I am morning school, duh.

Recently, I couldn't be as efficiency that I used to be due to I suppose to be prepared well for the coming trial. =,=

I got my mid-year result and it kinda disappoint me, but I deserve it. :P I admit, I didn't do a perfect well preparation for the mid-exam, hence this is what I deserve. 

Then, currently, I am trying to dash off the Geography Project as fast and as soon as possible, because I don't want to get myself to be nervous and scared. Doing everything in last minute, indeed, is really challenging and exciting, however I don't like it. It's so tiring and I can't take it anymore. ~_~ Therefore, I'd rather finish it early and give myself a nice relief. 

Ya, that's what I've done recently, so unlike me. haha, indeed, I used to be like this when I was in primary school, but after I had proceeded to secondary, everything changed, yet now fortunately, it had back in place. :) 

I like it actually. This kind of life is more suitable and comfortable to me. Everything just has to be understood and do it perfectly. 

Somehow, fb had started to be so boring and uninteresting to me. Nothing special and it's so ordinary. games? duh, now is not the suitable time to deal with those brainless games, but those games are ought to be enough for me to lmao. 

Okay, that's all, have to butt off now. :) 

Tata. :*

Goodbye, May/June Holidays.

I am so sad................ :'( Two weeks holidays had eventually came to the end! arghhh, honestly, I am kinda happy with the school reopen. ;X Though, schooling is super duple boring, but unless I can have fun with my classmates and my darlings, schoolmates as well. muahahahaha!

I love play fun with my classmates, schoolmates, indeed darlings too! They are my motivation of going to school, you know. They are essential for me to motivate myself to attend my school days, to go on my lesson! They are ROCK! 

Nerdies have nerdy fun, sampats have sampat fun! Every category mates has different type of FUN. They are tremendously awesome. They colourize my LIFE. To be frankly, school is fun, if without the books. :X 

Moreover, maybe some of the subjects are interesting, like my favourite subject, Geography. I used to hate this subject when I was Form One, because of the teacher's useless and stupid teaching. Because of her, I've got an C for my Geography in my first test of the year. Throughout the year, I didn't get an A for my Geography due to her stupiak teaching. 

Then, proceed to Form Two, my Geography was getting better and maybe some of the tests I've got an A, finally! I worked extraordinary hard for this subject, I memorized all the details and whatever in the Geography. But, I did not regret for doing this stupid action. HAHA, I think it's useful. ;X Really, OKay. ;P

Then, Form Three, I eventually met a good Geography teacher! wheeeeeeeee~ I've got A for every test! She is so awesome and hilarious. When she's teaching, her comical expression will be the reason which we all laughed. xD

SCHOOL. Two more years to go on my secondary school life. I scarce know what will happen next. It's unpredictable and incredible. :) 

Two in One.

I come here to blog! HEHE.

Tuesday, I went to the DBKL with my beloved friends and we were lost in the town. == wth, I was really pissed off and almost going to give up during the trip. However, luckily my dearly friends still hold their strength and we eventually found the place. 

Though, we didn't get everything we need, but unless we got part of what we want.

The whole trip was making me quite worry due to my transport problem. If I get back home late, I may got scold from my lovely parents. Besides, at that moment I was extremely exhausted! Then, I still had to confront all the scold from my mom through the phone! wth, I almost cry out at that moment. 

We had walked for an hour more to discover the destination! I was outrightly worn out!

Photos:

in the LRT.

Then, met up with ChiChing and Michelle at Sogo due to celebrate ChiChing's Birthday!

Michelle and the Birthday Girl. 

ignore the camera uh!

teeehee...... Angry Bird-ing... lols

The cakesssssssss..........

I love this spaghetti so much! ;d

as well as this one too!

After a long journey, we finally reached our destination!

 

On the way to the 17th floor, lmao.

After that, we got back to the LRT station by the Monorail. Then, I eventually back home safely! =~=

Actually it's a good experience for me. At least, I discovered something new and strange for me. Thanks god for giving me this opportunity to experience this. 

Wednesday, This day is the worst day ever in my entire life. My mathematics teacher is totally out of mind! No No, she suppose to be in the Tanjung Rambutan, but not in my school!

I scarce know that, it's my own problem or hers. Because I really think that she got the mental problem. ==

She loves to give as many question as she can for us to complete. However, we still don't understand the chapter well. Then, it makes me mentally collapsed!

I was trying to complete the exercises as soon and as fast as possible in order to practice my piano. Unfortunately, I found out that actually I don't know how to do all the exercises!

Though, I tried to do the question, and I got the answers, but the answers are totally different from the answers from the textbook!

I don't know how can this happen... And I don't know why it happened!

Then, I finally cried. It should be considered as a good thing! Because, I eventually gave out part of my feelings which I had kept it inside me. 

After I cried, I felt so relax and awesome! Hence, sometimes, cry isn't a bad thing, okay. ;D It's a way to spill out all the pain which had hid inside your heart.

When I was crying, something bad crossed my mind again. ;( Fortunately, I didn't make it become a reality! lols.

I will keep my faith and go on, no matter how it is going to be. I must believe in myself that, I am strong. Though, I hope to be weaker and be protected. :x

Tata.